“So, you just go and eat alone? don’t you get bored”
I was with one of my hookups today, and after we did what is now becoming a very soulless act for me (again) we laid together and she asked what I planned on doing with my week off.
I told her how I wanted to visit the portrait gallery, and maybe have my quarterly visit to the British Museum and looked at me bemused and said “what…alone?”
I told her that I actually enjoyed doing things alone, and that the thought of going with someone else and hoping they were not bored is not something I want to endure when trying to appreciate history and art.
Then I shared how one of my favourite things is to eat alone in a restaurant. She couldn’t believe it, and stated that she had never done that alone and would feel weird. “It is weird, the first time but then you start to not give a shit about the people who look over at you, you just enjoy the moment for yourself”
It was as if I was not only telling her but reminding myself.
I like being alone, I like having the time to learn new things, up my skills, chill the fuck out without giving a shit about anyone else sometimes. But I often forget this.
The pressure from others “So, any ladies on the go?” or “Who you gonna bring to X party” etc. I get lost in the “Shit, I need to find someone” bullshit. But truth is, I like me and I wanna date me for a while.
There is however a pattern in play, when I split with an old ex I slept around with girls trying to get over her and then I eventually got bored and stopped the meaningless sex, stopped searching for girls and when I wasn’t looking….bam! I bump into who is now my most recent ex and we were together for years.
I feel like i’m at that “getting bored” phase now, ready to knock it all on the head. I’ve done manhood proud and slept with some serious stunners…but its not enough and its just a bit of an ego trip now to have girls praise me for not being a selfish lover, or some other superficial compliment blah blah.
However, what I don’t want to happen to repeat the exact same pattern, where the sexual experience and personal growth in that area is pushed aside because I had fallen in love with someone.
Not that it was completely the case with my recent ex, but there were sexual needs that were ignored just because I loved hanging out with this woman so much.
NEVER again will I date someone who does not make me feel desired, esp when so many other women have no problem doing this.
So if or when I meet this new love of mine, she must this time be as amazing in the bed as she is for my head.
Till then, i’m gonna take a break. I say this as I have a date lined up tomorrow with a girl who literally looks like a young Patricia Arquette. This is a childhood dream right here…I’ll go still, but if she has to tick some pretty big boxes to make me change my mind on taking a break from dating.